i want to say im happy w/ myself as a person and content w/ the life God has blessed me with in general. but when i really think about it, when i really analyze things. i see that something is eating me up. and for a while i havent been able to figure it out. but now i know. its my family.
the los angeles county family to be exact. and its because WE are all complete and utter disappointments primarily as a family and secondly as people.
as a family, secluded in compton, were supposed to stikc together and we dont. its like one wolf pack against another. members are estranged, members arent pulling their weight, and it seems as if these issues will not be resolved. and i am okay w/ that in some areas. its like, i dont want to be estranged from any family member. i want to love and support everyone. BUT ONLY IF YOUR MAKING REASONABLE DECISIONS. yet, on the other hand, you cant help someone that doesnt want to be helped....
and the part where we ALL sukc it up is when it comes to the kids. one person is either too stupid too see, or just plain incompetent to understand the effects decisions have on them. while the rest of us act all helpless. as if its too late to make a POSITIVE impact in their lives. which is jst plain selfish on our part. we're too wrapped up and engrossed in what we got goin on to, not notice whats happening, cuz we all know,... but TOO WRAPPED UP TO TAKE ACTION. what kinda shit is that, what kinda people are we. to let our own blood stay on the forsaken path they are on, simply because its easier for us.
im almost ashamed. idk what im going to do. or how im going to handle it. but somethings gotta give. and somethings will change. i can promise you that.
lord please guide us in your wisdom.
w/ love
zac
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