lonely night, after lonely night....
when will I allow it to end?
Friday, December 24, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
epiphany; 12/15/2010 around 3:00am-ish
i want to say im happy w/ myself as a person and content w/ the life God has blessed me with in general. but when i really think about it, when i really analyze things. i see that something is eating me up. and for a while i havent been able to figure it out. but now i know. its my family.
the los angeles county family to be exact. and its because WE are all complete and utter disappointments primarily as a family and secondly as people.
as a family, secluded in compton, were supposed to stikc together and we dont. its like one wolf pack against another. members are estranged, members arent pulling their weight, and it seems as if these issues will not be resolved. and i am okay w/ that in some areas. its like, i dont want to be estranged from any family member. i want to love and support everyone. BUT ONLY IF YOUR MAKING REASONABLE DECISIONS. yet, on the other hand, you cant help someone that doesnt want to be helped....
and the part where we ALL sukc it up is when it comes to the kids. one person is either too stupid too see, or just plain incompetent to understand the effects decisions have on them. while the rest of us act all helpless. as if its too late to make a POSITIVE impact in their lives. which is jst plain selfish on our part. we're too wrapped up and engrossed in what we got goin on to, not notice whats happening, cuz we all know,... but TOO WRAPPED UP TO TAKE ACTION. what kinda shit is that, what kinda people are we. to let our own blood stay on the forsaken path they are on, simply because its easier for us.
im almost ashamed. idk what im going to do. or how im going to handle it. but somethings gotta give. and somethings will change. i can promise you that.
lord please guide us in your wisdom.
w/ love
zac
the los angeles county family to be exact. and its because WE are all complete and utter disappointments primarily as a family and secondly as people.
as a family, secluded in compton, were supposed to stikc together and we dont. its like one wolf pack against another. members are estranged, members arent pulling their weight, and it seems as if these issues will not be resolved. and i am okay w/ that in some areas. its like, i dont want to be estranged from any family member. i want to love and support everyone. BUT ONLY IF YOUR MAKING REASONABLE DECISIONS. yet, on the other hand, you cant help someone that doesnt want to be helped....
and the part where we ALL sukc it up is when it comes to the kids. one person is either too stupid too see, or just plain incompetent to understand the effects decisions have on them. while the rest of us act all helpless. as if its too late to make a POSITIVE impact in their lives. which is jst plain selfish on our part. we're too wrapped up and engrossed in what we got goin on to, not notice whats happening, cuz we all know,... but TOO WRAPPED UP TO TAKE ACTION. what kinda shit is that, what kinda people are we. to let our own blood stay on the forsaken path they are on, simply because its easier for us.
im almost ashamed. idk what im going to do. or how im going to handle it. but somethings gotta give. and somethings will change. i can promise you that.
lord please guide us in your wisdom.
w/ love
zac
Monday, December 13, 2010
we need to open our eyes ...
every 15 seconds, a woman or child is sexually abused by either someone they don't know, or more than likely, it's someone they do know. and the statistics show that 1 in every 4 to 5 women will be abused either physically or mentally in their lifetime. soo i got to thinking....
i have 824 friends on facebook. atleast half of whom are female. thats 412 women. meaning that 82-103 women... friends, on my facebook will be or have been sexually abused. and i know how that makes me feel.... OUTRAGED, SAD, HELPLESS. but i dont know what i am supposed to, or can do about it. what can i do to help someone or make a difference in someone's life.
and if i feel like this, all confused inside just thinking about the issue, and its not even me. i can only imagine how the women and children are dealing with it themselves. so for now, all i can do is inform others that it is happening and send my love and prayer to those affected by it.
w/ much love
zac
i have 824 friends on facebook. atleast half of whom are female. thats 412 women. meaning that 82-103 women... friends, on my facebook will be or have been sexually abused. and i know how that makes me feel.... OUTRAGED, SAD, HELPLESS. but i dont know what i am supposed to, or can do about it. what can i do to help someone or make a difference in someone's life.
and if i feel like this, all confused inside just thinking about the issue, and its not even me. i can only imagine how the women and children are dealing with it themselves. so for now, all i can do is inform others that it is happening and send my love and prayer to those affected by it.
w/ much love
zac
Friday, December 10, 2010
i know im independent but....
even though we are born alone, doesn't mean that we have to live our lives alone. and as much as i don't want to face it, i see that, we as humans, are co-dependent people.
to me, the number one cause of unhappyness is lonelyness. which is sad. just think about all the problems and the pain you've suffered. it was probably 10x's worse or 10x's easier knowing that you had or didn't have someone there for you. someone that understands you. and it goes the same way for happy or proud moments in your life.
and it kinda sukcs to be yung and realize certain things you need in your life aren't attainable. where am i gna find a cool guy, w/ a good head on his shoulders at my age? ... church perhaps... i am 19 years old, and i am not saying that i need a guy to make me happy, im happy now. however, there are certain times when i wish there was someone who was there for me in all my moments, good or bad. not necessarily a boyfriend, but someone that i could just turn to.
now, don't get me wrong, i am not unhappy in my life at all. in fact, i am loving my life right now.
.... but if im loving life but still lonely now, i can only imagine how it must feel to be lonely and at the top : /
to me, the number one cause of unhappyness is lonelyness. which is sad. just think about all the problems and the pain you've suffered. it was probably 10x's worse or 10x's easier knowing that you had or didn't have someone there for you. someone that understands you. and it goes the same way for happy or proud moments in your life.
and it kinda sukcs to be yung and realize certain things you need in your life aren't attainable. where am i gna find a cool guy, w/ a good head on his shoulders at my age? ... church perhaps... i am 19 years old, and i am not saying that i need a guy to make me happy, im happy now. however, there are certain times when i wish there was someone who was there for me in all my moments, good or bad. not necessarily a boyfriend, but someone that i could just turn to.
now, don't get me wrong, i am not unhappy in my life at all. in fact, i am loving my life right now.
.... but if im loving life but still lonely now, i can only imagine how it must feel to be lonely and at the top : /
Thursday, December 2, 2010
meant to be....
in the city of Compton, on the corner of El Segundo and Wilmington, there sits a rather small looking church called Greater Zion Baptist Church. i have never been the SUPER religious person, BUT i have always believed in a higher being.
.... its just amazing how things in life fall into place....
SO I GUESS I HAVE TO START AT THE BEGINNING.....
far past - i lalaLOVE lauryn hill. she is one of my favorite artists. now, ms. hill has a track called Zion or To Zion on her miseducation of lauryn hill album. now that song is absolutely BEAUTIFUL, i sing it all the time, though i cant sing. i just love it.
recent past - now due to life, our family of threee had to share TWO cars. so i would have to pikc my mom up from work. now while pikcing her up from work i ALWAYS passed GREATER ZION, and truth be told, i only noticed it because the word "ZION" caught my eye. and i thought, "that sounds like a cool name for a church, i'm gonna stop by there one day and chekc it out".
...so i continued to pick my mom up from work for some months and never stopped by.
present - about two months ago, i quit my job at ross. about a month ago, i got hired at best buy, and about two weeks ago i rang up a customer... who happened to be the pastor of Greater Zion Church Family.
HOW CRAZY IS THAT!?!?!?
..... rest of the story condensed. i went to GZCF and i ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY LOVED IT. there was no better place for me to be. and i guess it was in Gods plan. it had to be. because thinking bakc, i was put in a certain place at a certain time for a reason. this is really crazy. this is what God wanted. and this is how i got there.
truly amazing.
w/ love
zakC
.... its just amazing how things in life fall into place....
SO I GUESS I HAVE TO START AT THE BEGINNING.....
far past - i lalaLOVE lauryn hill. she is one of my favorite artists. now, ms. hill has a track called Zion or To Zion on her miseducation of lauryn hill album. now that song is absolutely BEAUTIFUL, i sing it all the time, though i cant sing. i just love it.
recent past - now due to life, our family of threee had to share TWO cars. so i would have to pikc my mom up from work. now while pikcing her up from work i ALWAYS passed GREATER ZION, and truth be told, i only noticed it because the word "ZION" caught my eye. and i thought, "that sounds like a cool name for a church, i'm gonna stop by there one day and chekc it out".
...so i continued to pick my mom up from work for some months and never stopped by.
present - about two months ago, i quit my job at ross. about a month ago, i got hired at best buy, and about two weeks ago i rang up a customer... who happened to be the pastor of Greater Zion Church Family.
HOW CRAZY IS THAT!?!?!?
..... rest of the story condensed. i went to GZCF and i ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY LOVED IT. there was no better place for me to be. and i guess it was in Gods plan. it had to be. because thinking bakc, i was put in a certain place at a certain time for a reason. this is really crazy. this is what God wanted. and this is how i got there.
truly amazing.
w/ love
zakC
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